This is the question I should have asked myself before signing up, I suppose. The answer (I found out) was: panic. The panic sent me straight to the fridge, then to the TV, then to Facebook, then back to the fridge. It wasn’t until I settled back onto Facebook, calming myself down by reading Rob Bell’s Q&A on the OWN:Oprah Winfrey Network page, that I remembered why I had thought a blog would be a good idea in the first place.
In answer to a question about what made him so successful, Rob Bell said: i don’t ever think about failure. it’s not on my radar. i throw myself into whatever it is i’m doing because that’s where the joy is and if it doesn’t work or whatever it’s just not that big of a deal. that’s the problem for many people-they’re worried about failing and so they don’t do anything. i don’t actually believe there’s such a thing as failure. you’re a student, learning, and you just keep learning.
Right! That’s why I wanted to do this–writing, for me, has always been where the joy is. By blogging, I could test myself, learn whether I could commit to writing in a way I never had before regardless of the outcome. The panic was my fear of failure. Somebody might actually read this blog. Gasp! Then what? They might hate it. They might hate me. (But they don’t know me!!) Could it be true that it doesn’t actually matter?
Yes. That’s what I had told myself in that comfy pre-action state of daydreaming about blogging. That cushy little place that lulled me into believing I could–no, I WANTED–to have my own blog. That place that has so little to do with actually setting up a blog, and, well, blogging. The fear, though, had less to do with the blog than it did with the action. I’m very , very good at daydreaming. My brain just loves to run with all the possible scenarios, conversations, and imagined realities that I dream up daily. Acting on them, not so much.
Until today, when, with that little nudge, I found the courage to come back here and start typing. I have a blog. Now what do I do with it?