I took a week off. I was thinking of calling it vacation week, but if I want to be completely honest, it was more of a meltdown. It turns out that Yellowstone isn’t the only supervolcano harboring undiscovered magma reservoirs. I found mine a week ago Saturday.
I like to think of myself as relatively stable, with most of my shit together most of the time, just trundling along living my little life, making the best of things. Sure, I’ve got that one magma chamber that heats the ground and fuels a few geysers and makes mud boil, but those are minor things. No surprises. Until you have one of those days (or two of those days) and you find yourself tapping into something so deep and painful that you meltdown completely. And you had no idea that running deep under the surface was this reservoir of boiling, churning emotion that threatened to swallow your entire life.
So I took a week off. I stopped writing anything but my journal. I cried a lot. I thought about what pills could mix with what booze to blot out the world without killing me. And I braced myself for the Big One, the world-altering eruption that must be about to happen. But it never came.
Ground temps went back to normal. The meltdown ended. The tears stopped. And I slowly crawled out of my hiding place to survey the damage. Life goes on.
I cry alone where no one sees
Beyond the boundary of the seas
Far away from breaking wave
I hide in the forgotten’s cave
There alone near barren shore
Where names aren’t valued anymore
I loose the fears stored deep inside
I cry the tears I’ve never cried
So alone, so long I weep
Though tears can’t wake me from this sleep
I struggle long against the pain
But bruise my soul against the chains
Oh cry and cry, Heartbroken One,
You’re safe here hidden from the sun
No more will sorrow pierce your heart
You’re worlds away and worlds apart
So stop your thrashing, calm your mind
Those chains seem strong but gently bind
Softened breath will melt their grasp
And free your troubled soul at last