I thought this was it—one year of blogging completed. Congratulations to me! I decided to go back to that very first post and re-read what got me started. That’s when I realized that I hadn’t started on January 1st. It took me until the 7th to work up the nerve to post something. So close, but not there yet. How fitting. So often over the years that self-congratulatory feeling has given way to the realization that I’ve fallen short somehow. I haven’t quite hit the mark.
The mark this time was one year of blogging. Stick with it no matter what happened. When I began, I had no idea what that meant. I had no idea what form it would take. I thought that would write about the poems I had already written. Write about writing. Write for the sake of writing. I didn’t expect that I would run out of things to say about the poems that I had written prior. I didn’t expect that I would write more poems in that year than I had written in the ten before. I didn’t imagine that people would read any of it.
This year was just for me. Could I write consistently enough to call myself a writer? And if so, what kind of writer would I be? I have six more days to answer that question and decide what’s next. Will I continue? Do I have more to write? Do poems still drop from the sky? If I stop now, what does that make me?
Meanwhile, it is a new year. Much has changed in my life, so it’s time to reevaluate more than just this blog. I wish I could say that I spent last night meditating and making lists, contemplating this next chapter, but I actually spent it in the recliner, resting my back after hours of chopping and shoveling the ice that coated our driveway. I ate too much, drank too much, and watched bad tv. I didn’t think about anything meaningful at all. That was last year. I don’t make resolutions I know I won’t keep, so I won’t pretend that I have a grand plan going forward. I’ll inch along, reminding myself to do my best in the moment and forgiving myself for failing. And maybe I’ll write a few poems.
Happy New Year and thank you to all of you who read and/or follow my blog. You terrify me and encourage me and keep me coming back here day after day. Thank you for letting me know when you like a post. You can’t hear me daily, but I thank you by name. I wish you all a bright and happy year ahead.