Nothing Withstands the Wind

YOU LOVED ME ONCE

Why isn’t this enough? this me alone?
I never ask for much from you—a word,
A smile. You look at me as if you own
My soul, but cannot wait to sell. Deferred
Decisions trap us both. What thoughts occurred
To you that changed your mind, hardened your heart?
You loved me once. What wind tore us apart?

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Hope is an Endless Dance

DANCE INTO THE NIGHT

things are about to change
what things and how
what change and when
please, someone, shout the answers

life as we know is gone
how far we’ve strayed
what loves we’ve left
we have no cures, just cancers

dance on a polished floor
we slip and slide
the music spins
we lose our grip, it’s chaos

you, clinging to the wall
sit out the dance
hiding your face
no one is safe, we’re all lost

things are about to change
the song, the steps,
the mood, the lights
some say the party’s ending

choose not to fade away
shout your good-byes
grab one last drink
it’s time we stop pretending

the dance doesn’t end at dawn
the songs play on
the world still turns
you sit, but we’re still spinning

all of us, fly through space
no saving grace,
just us, just life
each end a new beginning

Hope is the Promise of Spring

THE TEA ROSE

the tea rose grows
close to the street
a welcome home as
I turn into the
driveway

this year, one shoot
continues to bloom
even as the cold wind
sends her sisters
into hibernation

one flower
several buds
a stubborn refusal
to yield to ice
or snow

pleading with me
not to believe
these short days
and gray skies
will last forever

how did she know
this year I needed
the reminder

Here’s Your Hat, What’s Your Hurry

Good-by, March. I’m not sorry to see you go, but you know that already, don’t you? I don’t know why you and I can’t get along. Maybe we’ll call a truce one of these years and leave each other in peace. I’d like that. Wouldn’t you?

The month is ending with another migraine. Windy, unsettled weather dances with wacky, unsettled hormones. I lie on the couch with the shades pulled tight against the sun, hoping tomorrow will be better. Hoping tomorrow I’ll be better.

I’ve had a recurring image in my dreams lately: I need to change my clothes, but can’t get out of whatever I’m wearing. After the third time in one week that this popped up, I realized that my dream-brain was saying I’m struggling to change. What I’m wearing is too tight, too restrictive, and no longer suitable for what comes next. It’s time to change, but I’m having trouble making it happen.

I’ve shrunk my life down to fit tightly around me. Small and restrictive feels safe, but it’s also lonely and somewhat boring. If I want my life to feel different, I’ll need to face the uncomfortable feelings that come with change. That thought is enough to send me back into the safety of the small. My dream-brain does a better job of handling it than my waking-brain. I’m just not sure the reward is worth the effort. Frankly, I’m not sure the effort results in a reward. What if things get worse? or stay the same?

Survival was my only goal in March. Make it through in one piece. I did that. Maybe April will bring fewer migraines and a lighter mood. Maybe the struggle will ease, and I’ll finally succeed in making real change.

Another Year, Another Memory

I STRETCH TO REACH THE RAIN

memories fall like leaves
that drop with no breeze
yellow, orange, red
they fall away
until all that’s left of
me is trunk and branches
outstretched to catch
the rain
I stand bare before you
my colors stripped away
yellow, orange, red
years blending, changing
once so green
now fading, curling
falling
slowly at first
with the slightest breeze
a sparrows breath
all that’s left of me
drifts away taking you
and all we shared
such beautiful leaves
yellow, orange, red
while I stand bare
and stretch to reach
the rain